your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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