New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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