So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
