I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
