She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
