I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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