the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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