i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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