Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my poor anus
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
