I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize