Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
