If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
