the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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