Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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