Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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