you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
