You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
