My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
