i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
