And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
