Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
