Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
