You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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