I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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