Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said her name was "party"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
