Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
