hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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