Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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