I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
