They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
