Umm I'm too high to move.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
