Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
