Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
