How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
