she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
