Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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