I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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