____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
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i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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