we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
