I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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