oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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