FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
