he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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