My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
