I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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