Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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