We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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