I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
