You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize