Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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