i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
