Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
