yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
