it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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