why didn't you poke me back
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
