I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
