I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
