i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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