I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The air taste purple.
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