just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
