It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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