I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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