I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my poor anus
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
