also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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