I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
