put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
