It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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