just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
