If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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