Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this boner is exhausting
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
